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Photo Ann Wood
Varla Jean Merman stands outside the Post Office Cabaret just before she delivers her multi-faceted show. |
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Varla Jean gets sinful, & takes Roberson along
By Ann Wood & Kaimi Rose Lum
Banner Staff
Jeffery Roberson thought of basing Varla Jean Merman’s newest show on the nine muses, but decided the subject was too esoteric for vacationers.
He then thought of doing the Ten Commandments, but decided that 10 was too many.
“I thought, Seven Deadly Sins [because] I’m so lazy. That was one down, six to go,” he says, laughing, over the phone Monday afternoon.
Saturday night, it’s another sold-out show. The line is wrapped around the back of the club. Pushy people are pushing to get in — and you can see why.
The show opens with a Varla film, accompanied by the song “It’s a Sin.” Varla can sing, Varla can dance, Varla can act — and she looks good in a school girls’ uniform.
There’s little Varla in pigtails, stuffing her face (“glutton,” the screen pronounces). Randy Roberts drives by on her scooter (“envy,” it reads). Varla’s too lazy to pick up her martini glass, so she uses her feet (“sloth” flashes by).
Strobes blink through the room. Varla appears in all her glory — leaves cover her three personal parts. She’s belting out her own version of the Guns N’ Roses tune “Welcome to the Jungle,” playing with her stuffed “serpentine,” and swinging from a rope hanging from the ceiling down the aisle.
Varla Jean Merman’s “I’m Not Paying for This,” shows at 8:30 p.m. Thursday through Sunday at the Post Office Cabaret, 303 Commercial St., Provincetown. Tickets are $22.50 and are available online at ptowntix.com, by calling (508) 487-9793 or at the door (if there’re any left, shows have been selling out).
Roberson says that when he created Varla in New Orleans in the early ’90s (she didn’t officially begin performing until she hit the stage in New York in 1996) they were much more alike than they are now.
“I think in college, when I created it, it was very much like me. Now it’s an alter-ego,” he says, adding that he used to be overweight, which he thinks he purposefully became to get attention. “I would go out in drag and dance on the bar eating [an institutional-sized] can of refried beans. … Now I can’t believe that I ever used to do those things.”
Varla doesn’t open a can of beans, but she does chew up a tiny dill pickle. That comes with the story of the Seven Deadly Sins — which echoes what Roberson thought of the Ten Commandments. Varla says there used to be eight deadly sins.
“But people can’t take eight comfortably,” she quips, and calls in Mr. Pickle, who runs down the aisle and pokes her.
“Back to Town Hall with you,” she says, now that she’s got the pickle barrel. “I told you, back door only. He’s always trying to go through the other door.”
Varla tells a man in the audience to pick a pickle. She does the same, but hers is tiny. Varla admits she has “pickle envy.”
“Everybody’s pickles are bigger than mine,” she says. “It ain’t satisfying when it fits in your mouth without trying.”
Varla chews up her pickle. She’s wide-eyed innocent, very Lucille Ball.
“Look everybody,” pickle pieces spray from her mouth. “That’s my day job, making relish for MoJo’s.”
Roberson says that although he still likes performing, what he really loves is coming up with ideas, writing shows and making the videos.
“I love the drag. I love the costume and the mask of it all. I really do,” he says, adding that most people don’t recognize him out of drag. “I can’t imagine they can even see me.”
That was not true last year, when he played a man in “Irma Vep.” People started recognizing him on the street. It wasn’t so easy to get into character, he felt weird without a wig on. And Varla’s got some great wigs and some great costumes.
Phillip Heckman’s outfits would make Barbie envious, as well as every little girl and future drag queen. The dresses are nicely cut and pretty with well-placed sequins. Roberson wasn’t interested in that stuff as a kid in New Orleans, but he was obsessed with Wonder Woman. She was the only character that made him think about dressing as a woman. That, and he loved television shows from the late ’60s, such as “I Dream of Jeannie.” Heckman and Roberson are the same age, 35, so the late ’60s are a time the costumes really reflect, he says.
Varla’s wearing a tiny German cabaret outfit, hat and all, and is singing Roberson’s favorite song in this show, “Private Dancer.” She’s a foreign crooner with a smoke who sings as she dances down the aisle, and lands on some man’s lap. Suddenly, beers the size of children appear, just like in any good German tavern. But before that Varla got a little political.
Roberson says that he never does political humor. He thinks he’s not good at it. But this year, with the Seven Deadly Sins on her mind, Varla does a little preaching. She realizes that she doesn’t want to go to heaven — to be in heaven with all those Christians would be hell. Or like Middle America, which she spent 18 years trying to get out of.
Roberson says that because of the political climate of the country today, Varla could no longer ignore politics.
“If I’m getting involved in it, it must be really bad,” he says.
Varla’s back talking about her career. Ever since she saw “The Sound of Music” as a child it’s been her dream “to perform in Australia.”
She turns to the Seven Deadly Sins — whether she’s committed any as an actress and how many she can get away with. Varla admits that “morally, the world has gone down the drain.”
She doesn’t stay serious. Varla dances around singing “Touch Me,” Janet’s song from “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” The audience joins in. (“Touch-a, touch-a, toucha-a, touch me, I wanna feel dirty.”) Everybody’s having a good time.
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In the Arts
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Aug 25th, 2005